Thursday, January 05, 2006

Why do we still long for our childhood after it is long gone?

A few days back, when Shruthi, wrote in her blog abt how her city Bangalore has changed rapidly for the worse, I left a comment. In my comment, I said that even I felt the same abt my native place(s) and also abt Hyderabad (where I’m presently taking a month long brk), when I went back to visit these places after a brief hiatus. I also added that it is we who change rather than the places that we lived in over the years.

And this kinda is hanging at the back of my mind since then (…..that’s what happens when u take a month long vacation…and have nothing to do...... :-) ). Is it we who really change or the places? My mind went back to the wonderful days that my brother and myself had as kids….

As a kid, I had a wonderful childhood. Visiting the ancestral homes of both my parents was a fun thing to do for us and I have lot of wonderful memories of both these places to cherish for the rest of my life. It was especially great fun during the summer holidays or during any kinda festivities or functions that were held at these two places. Since my family is a very long extended one on the both sides of my parents…there was always one event or the other every few months. So we always looked forward to our next visit to our towns.

But everything changed once my grandparents passed away some years back. Everyone became busy with their own lives as years passed on. There were less and less of the get together events over the years since then, with most of my cousins settling down in places far away. We do regularly keep in touch and do meet often every year, but somehow I feel that it isn’t the old way anymore about our meetings. Even the visits to my native towns, after a brief gap, had a completely different feel in them. They were never the same that they once used to be……..some of my feelings were similar to that of Shruthi’s abt Bangalore, but in most cases I had no clue abt the reasons behind my change in the outlook of these places. May be they were also compounded by the fact that my grandparents weren’t there any more.

In case of Hyderabad, I have similar grievances about the city as Shruthi has about Bangalore. And like in the case of Bangalore, the change has been too sudden. It’s been only 17 months since I was away from Hyderabad, but to me it felt like I was away for a long time for these changes to happen. But with Hyderabad somehow I still feel that it still has the same flavor and fervor as the one in which I grew up….obviously one has to ignore the aesthetic changes and the ever increasing pollution. May be the different feel about Hyderabad in me might be due to the fact that I was away in a foreign land that was at a different level as compared with Hyderabad, as a city that is.

All these times, there hasn’t been a period of time where I longed for the time to revert back to my childhood. And that is what puzzles me.

Why is that I still long for my childhood after it is long gone?

Is it because of the sure security of the long-gone past?


Is it because of the uncertainty that the future holds for me?


Shruthi said...

Beautifully written, Harsha, and very poignant.

Both the points are valid - the past was safe, secure, carefree, no responsibilities, and you had fun with all the happiness that a child can have.

Now, its just business-like, materialistic, and you are insecure, and uncertain (esp as you are still a student, that too in a foreign land) - so naturally you long for that time when you were so happy and secure.

Change is the only thing which is permanent - said somebody - and there is nothing we can do, but adapt. OF course, the lovely memories of childhood are always there to give us solace when we are too down.

Sri Harsha said...

@ Shruthi:
I agree with u.......adapting is the only choice that we have and lucky ones like us can always fall bck on the solace of a wonderful childhood....... hey and also thanks.

Khushi said...

//Why is that I still long for my childhood after it is long gone?

hmm, mebbe coz of the simple life which we used to have when we were small.. No tension of work, deadlines, marriage, Career..such a neat life it was... I defenitely miss that... Sigh!!!

Sri Harsha said...

Ya i agree on tht Khushi.....hey and thnks for dropping in....